hotel room ftw
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
