My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
