She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you traded sex for a burrito?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize