This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
