So drunk its hurt
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
