would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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