I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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