if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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