Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
