I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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