Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
