please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
