how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
