adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
