My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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