he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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