It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
