Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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