big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
