If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
