Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
