i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
