so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
