My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
