put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
