If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
