Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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