I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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