I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
