I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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