You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
