chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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