Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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