almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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