No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
