You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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