btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
FUCK WHALES
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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