i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
