So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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