The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
