seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
