I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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