I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
