Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
