Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
