Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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