hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
