I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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