We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
