I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
