I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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