while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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