i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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