i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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