Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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