Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
