I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
