I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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