I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
