Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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