He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
