she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
