i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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