Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
