I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
