Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
