I'm eating all of the evidence.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
