he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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