I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
