Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
