Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
