i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
