I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
