We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
