I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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