I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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