used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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