What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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