I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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