I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
