he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
how does that bad decision feel?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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