Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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