Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh god it's open bar.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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