there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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