My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
