He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
