My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
