haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
