this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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