Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
